Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Sleepytime Blues

Part of the charm of Fibromyalgia is the sleep cycle disruptions.  Before I had any aches and pains I had the sleep issues.  I want to sleep all of the time but I can never sleep at night like a normal person.  I've been keeping vampire hours on and off for years.  When I was employed it was a pain in the ass; falling asleep at 6 am only to have to wake up at 7 or 8 and then being expected to be productive the rest of the day.  I was almost always running on fumes.  One would think taking a job at night would help.  Nope.  I've done that, too, I would fall asleep at 11 am or noon and have to be at work by 1:30 pm and would be equally as sleepy just in reverse. 

Good times.

In an effort to get my sleep back on normal "working" hours I attempt to reset and I stay up for 24 full, aggravating, mood swingy, Google all the things, hours.  It's as awful as it sounds.  It's actually worse than it sounds.  If you ever need any indication that you've aged in the 10 years between 20-30, try to stay awake for 24 hours.  This task was easier when I was in my early 20's.  Maybe because I was out doing hoodrat things with my friends until stupid o'clock any given morning.  It was nothing for me to say "Oh I haven't slept in a day and a half, I'm resetting." whilst sipping on the semi-permanent grande white chocolate mocha frap that was plastered to my hand.  I once pushed too far and stayed up for three days which ended in a crying spell in front of a guy that I kinda had a crush on.  I don't even know why I was crying.  It's like my brain was like "No!  No more, go to sleep right now!". 

I've tried falling asleep whenever I fall asleep and setting an alarm to wake up at a normal time.  The snooze button struggle is so real, kids.  10 or more snooze button pushes and 3:00 pm later I'm right back where I started.  I have even woken up enough to turn the alarm completely off, like cancelling the entire alarm on my phone and gone back to sleep.  The 24 hour reset is the only way that works and here lately that's only been a temporary fix.  One random night of up way too late and I'm right back where I started.  A lot of it has to do with the fact that I have no routine anymore.  I don't have anything to get out of bed before noon for.  So who cares if I'm up until 8:30 in the morning?  Not like I have a job or anything to get up for in the morning. So I get caught in this cycle. 

I'm in the middle of a cycle right now. I'm going to stay up until late tomorrow in hopes of resetting again.  I know it's probably not the best way to do this but it works.  Even if it's for a short time.  I think this go around I'm going to make a better effort to set a routine.  Even it's just getting up a normal time everyday to exercise or go for a walk.  I also will be starting school (for real.  I mean it) in January to take advantage of all my not working and to regain some semblance of a social life and routine.  Then I'll have a reason to pull myself out of bed before 4 in the afternoon and fall asleep before 8:30 in the morning. 

I've just downed my first big cup of iced coffee and I have 3 or 4 more seasons of Grey's Anatomy before I'm caught up for the new season.  It's gonna be rough around here for the next day.  I'll be live tweeting it as I did before.  I'll probably crave pancakes or chicken at 3 in the morning.  I think was french toast the last time.  There will be a lot more coffee and bouncing around to avoid napping during random times of the day.  It's going to be great. 

Yay Fibromyalgia!

....but not really.

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