I'll be 30 in 4 days. I spent most of my 20's looking forward to 30 for some reason. I'm going to try to go into this without sounding corny and artist-y. I've learned I do that well though. 30 for me means acceptance. I've talked a lot about how I want to spend the rest of my life and I think after all the talking and trying out other career choices and personalities or whatever the one that makes me feel the most me is art. I love putting words on a page and seeing what happens next. I kinda went from the journal carrying nerd ready to accept inspiration at every turn into this sort of recluse. Yeah I said it. I'm a recluse. But I needed that time to work on who I am and who I wanted to be. What fits me and what makes me happy. In doing that I've also spent a lot of time depriving myself of what makes me feel most in my element. I need to seek out the beauty in things again. I need to find my inspiration again. My fingers are ready to write again. I've been lying to myself and trying to keep them busy buy doing absolutely everything else. Yeah I like knitting and crochet and crafty things but I realize now that it's good busy work to keep from doing what I really want to be doing.
I know I'm rambling. It's 1:24 in the morning and I'm thinking about the things that I'm inspired by. I need more music, I need more poetry and interactions with people who share similar interest. I think what I'm trying to say is that my self inflicted lockdown is over and I'm restless. I need to get out and find my inspiration again. I'm ready to travel and be the journal carrying nerd I used to be. I'm fresh out of journals if you want to gift me one or several for my birthday. I want to be inspired to do this thing that I love so much again.
That's how I plan to spend this next decade that's before me. Finding inspiration in things and turning them into words or photographs or painting. I have never painted a thing before but I feel the urge to give it a try. Who knows. This is what I'm supposed to do. It's how I was made. I'm arty. That's cool I guess. Either way the motto for this new decade is "Fuck Fear". I've let it hold me back too long. If that makes me the writer/arty type that's "starving"* I'm cool with that. I just know I can't stand in my own way for too much longer.
Here's to 30, ya'll.
*but for real ya'll aren't going to let me starve right? ;) (This plan has no room for starving though I'm just saying that's been a real fear)